Salary and Penis......................?

What is the difference between SALARY and PENIS?
ANS: Your wife will always LOVE to BLOW YOUR SALARY FIRST.

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Definition of L O V E....................

The feeling which you feel, when you feel that you are about to feel a feeling which you never felt before, before feeling this particular feeling, that feeling is called L O V E.

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SMS............................................

A boy loved a girl but never proposed her.

One day he decided to tell her at 12:00 a.m. in the morning through SMS.

He typed: “I Love U & can't live without you” ...........  & .................. clicked ... Send.

After a few seconds he got a SMS back


BUT

he decided to see it next day for surprise,,,,,,,,, & ,,,,,,,,,,,slept happily..............

Next day morning, HE OPENED HIS CELL PHONE TO CHECK THE SURPRISE MASSAGE.

he read the msg AND got shocked, got zapped, nearly fainted.

It was wriiten :
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Dear customer,
msg sending failed due to Insufficient balance.
Please recharge your account urgently to avoid further inconvenience..!

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SWEET TALKER.....................

Gal: Do I look like an angel?
Guy: Yeah!
Gal: Am I the fairy of your dream?
Guy: Yeah!
Gal: Am I the inspiration of the best poems in the world?
Guy: Yeah!
Gal: Am I the one blessed to be the most beautiful girl in the world?
Guy: Yeah!
Gal: Oh! Darling you are the most romantic person and a sweet talker.

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If it breaks.........................

What does a bungee jumping and a society girl have in common?
Ans : They both cost you 50 dollars but if the rubber breaks then............
    YOU ARE SCREWED.............

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Identify the wrong one out...............

Identify the wrong one out from the list.
MEAT - EGG - WIFE - BLOWJOB

ANSWER : BLOWJOB.
REASON? :- You can beat your meat, egg and wife
                                         BUT
                       You just can't beat a Blowjob.

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Lay man...............

What do men and tiles have in common?
ANSWER : If you lay them well, then you can walk on them for years together.

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Objection..................

This guy meets a sexy blond in a party..................
GUY : If I give you a lift in my Ferrari would you OBJECT  making LOVE to me?
GAL : That's something I've never done in my life.
GUY : [HAPPY] What? You mean you never made love in your life?
GAL : No dear! I mean I never OBJECTED.

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Rosy..............

The instructor in school........
Instructor : You should have bath daily 3 times. Before coming to school, after reaching
home and before sleeping and that will make you feel rosy all over. Any questions?
Back bencher : Yeah! Tell us something more about ROSY.

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Listen............................

Judge : The last time I told you that I don't wanna see your fucking face in here again.
Thief : I told the same to the fucking cop YOUR HONOR ! BUT Only if he would listen.

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Perfect match........................

Julie : The guy I will marry must be as brave as Bruce Lee but Not like Tom Cruise, He must be
handsome as Bruce Willis but not too forward like Leonard De Caprio, wise like Solomon but
not too meek like a lamb, a man who is kind to all the girls but who can only love and satisfy me.
John : GREAT GOD! Thanks you made us met.

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CRY.......................

A buffalo climbs on the hind of a donkey......
Donkey : hey! What the fuck are you doing?
Buffalo : Just playing game and having fun.
Donkey : If I play the same game you will be crying for your life.

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Screw the boss................

A macho man gets up with a fucking hangover and says to his wife......
Guy : Honey! I know I was drunk in the party but actually what happened in the party?
Wife : You were drunk and got in hot argument with your boss.
Guy : BOSS? Well! Well! Piss on him.
Wife : You did and he fired you.
Guy : No Probs. FUCK HIM.
Wife : I DID! AND you are back on work from tomorrow.

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Substitute for WOMAN..................

2 guys are sitting in a BAR in serious discussion.............
1st guy : I remember my first time you know baby of using ALCOHOL as a substitute for woman.
2nd guy : Yeah! I bet you do. It must have been FUN right?
1st guy : Fun it was painful.
2nd guy : PAINFUL?
1st guy : Yup!
2nd guy : Why? what happened?
1st guy : Well! You know I got my Dick stuck in the neck of the BOTTLE!!!!!!!!

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What a pain .........................

4 guys went to their employer and ask for a raise in the salary.
Boss agreed to give it to one of them but set a condition that the one who gets
the fruit or vegetable to be brought which she has never seen in her life. [BUT]
another condition is if boss identifies the fruit or vegetable then it would be shoved
up the ass of the candidate. All three agree. The test is to be held on next day.
All four candidates are standing in front of the boss's cabin.
1st guys : Good Morning Mam.
Boss : Good morning Charlie! What have you brought a vege or a fruit?
Charlie : Vegetable mam.
Boss : Show me. [Charlie shows] You fucking bastard I always have it in my green salad.
Charlie : You mean you know it?
Boss : Yes! It's Cucumber. Remove your pant and undies & let me shove it up your ass.
[Charlie cries and cries a lot while the Cucumber is shoved up his ass]
2nd guy : Good morning Mam.
Boss : Good morning Joe! So what the fuck have you come up with?
Joe : Vegetable and it is from Brazil and I m confident you haven't seen it in your
         whole life.
Boss : Great! Then show it to me.
[Joe takes it out]
Boss : You mother fucker it is Tapioca. Let me shove it in you.
[Joe cries a lot while the heavy and stiff thing enters his delicate and soft behind.
3rd guy : Good mornin bossie!
Boss : So Martin what have you brought Veg or Fruit?
Martin: You can call it as both cause in European and American countries we call it
             fruit but in Asia they use it as vegetable too.
Boss : [Amazed] Is it? Fuck! I think you are gonna get the raise I suppose. Now show
           it to me. [Martin takes out a huge coconut]
Boss : Screw you Martin It is coconut. Now I'll love to blast your fuckin ass with this
           coco of yours.
[So Martin's pant is removed and undies too and he bends over the table and boss
inserts the huge coco in his ass - BUT - to boss's amazement Martin is laughing and
content while coco enters him]
Martin : Ha Ha Ha! Put it in Lady. Wow! Great I'm gonna love it. Oh GOD you are
             GREAT!
Boss : See Guy I put a Cucumber in Charlie's ass and he was crying like a kid then I
           put the Tapioca in Joe's ass and he fainted and now I am putting such a huge
           coconut in your fuckin ass and you are laughing out loudly ..... are you a insane
           guy?
Martin : No Mam! I am thinking about the future mam.
Boss : What future you fucking ass hole?
Martin : the pain of future mam.
Boss : what future?
Martin : The next turn mam.
Boss : What next turn?
Martin : Mam. John is standing outside with a BIG FUCKING "JACK-FRUIT".

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