Tuesday, December 11, 2012

B.J. SPA………………………..


I and my friends Sunny and Johnny were sitting in a bar enjoying our beers when this friend of Johnny walked in and Johnny invited him to join us. After a heart full of talks, we got a NEW INFO about the spa which had opened in the next town where they offered the EXOTIC BLOW JOB.
AND as the saying goes BOYS WILL BE BOYS… BAD BOYS. We decided to visit it. AND WE DID IT .. VERY NEXT SUNDAY.
As we entered the SPA ….. We were welcomed with a warm lemon tea. Then the Madame of the house told us that the Blow Job was available in 3 price tags. $100, $200 and $300. So! Sunny said he could afford only $100 so he’ll go first. He went and returned after half an hour fully content with a smile.
We asked him what had happened. He told us that “The girl put the whipped cream all over his massive thingie then threw some rice flakes, & covered it with honey and topped it with bit of chocolate flakes and had her tongue licking it and then sucked him dry.” WE WERE REALLY IMPRESSED.
I was the second to go for $200. When I returned after an hour, I was with an EAR TO EAR SMILE. I could see that Sunny was little jealous BUT anyways they asked me what happened? ….. & …….. I replied.
“She put the layer of vanilla ice cream on my dick then sprinkled Chocó flakes, then the layer of strawberry ice cream and then a little of raisins and toped it with a little of honey & then LICKED ME DRY.
Now ………. It was Johnny’s turn. He chose the $300 BLOW JOB & IN ……….. HE WENT. To our surprise he returned in just ……. 25 minutes. And he came crawling like a lizard, groaning in pain and all hunched over. Crying “GOD HELP ME.” “PLEASE SAVE ME LORD.” After seeing us he cried loudly “SAVE ME. SAVE ME. TAKE ME OUT OF HERE OR I’LL DIE.” We were confused BUT anyways he was our friend so we helped him and took him out of the spa.
On exiting we asked Johnny what was the matter.
Johnny: Fuck me! Fuck me! It was the most dangerous thing I ever had in my life. OOOh! Ouch!
We: HEY! BROTHER. Where is the pain?
Johnny: In my back, neck and everywhere near elbows. Ahh! Goddamn it!
We: What happened? Did she hurt you?
Johnny: NO! NO! Nope! She was one of the best, beautiful and the most cooperative gal I’ve ever met in
               my life. Oh! Oh!sssss. God. Please…. F*** F***
We: [CURIOUS] Then what actually happened?
Johnny: Well! She put the strawberry ice cream on my thingie and topped it with honey. Then she
               sprinkled choco flakes over it then topped it with butterscotch ice cream. Then she put some
               choco sauce and sprinkled the crispy biscuit crump. Then covered it with wild strawberry ice
               cream and topped it with lots of nuts & berries & raisins.
We: [DREAMING ABOUT THE SITUATION] Then what happened?
Johnny: THAT FUCKING THING LOOKED SO DAMN PRETTY AND TEMPTING THAT I TRIED TO EAT IT................... MYSELF…………………………….
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Monday, December 10, 2012

TWO OF IT? ………………………..


The [VISTING] G.K. teacher was teaching the class about deadly historical weapons and he showed an ANTIQUE revolver to the class for their knowledge. Marie was sitting at the back seat and when she saw this revolver she said “SIR! Only one? My daddy has got two of those.” The teacher kept mum.
Then the sir showed a vintage Indian sword. On seeing it Marie said “SIR! My daddy has two of those.” The G.K. Master smiled and kept quite {[BUT…. Inside he was boiling.]}
Next he showed the silver Chinese dagger to the class. Again Marie said “BUT SIR” .. “My dad has two of those.” [Now the teacher was getting pissed off……. BUT … still he did not show it.]
Next ……….. He showed the class his antique piece……. The great Nepali Khukri made of half silver and half gold & decorated with precious stones. Marie again said “SIR! But my daddy has two of those.”
NOW fully pissed off the teacher unzipped his pant. ….. Walked towards Marie and removed his massive [9 inches] thingie out and pointed it on her face and said “I hope your daddy doesn’t have two of these.”
Marie was shocked to see the LEANING TOWER OF PUSSA! … [Ha Ha Ha! ---- Just a joke] … BUT Marie [was very witty] so she recovered from the shock and replied too fast and said.
No! SIR…………… BUT ………….. HE HAS GOT TWICE AS BIG AS YOURS.
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Friday, December 7, 2012

U Know what I’m doin?.................

A sexy, ravishing & voluptuous blond girl walked into a gynaec’s clinic. On seeing her, his [Gynaec’s] throat was dry, he was stiff in his pants and all his professionalism was flushed down the drain. He [on the spot] urgently asked her to get undressed & lie on the examination table for a thorough check up.
He came in, in 5 minutes with pink eyes and pumping blood in his heart and pants and started fondling with her full grown, rounded & juicy breasts. While doing so he asked her. “Can you guess what I’m doing?” “Yup” “You must be checking for lumps or may be breast cancer” Said she. “Yeah! You are right.” Doctor said. Then he started stroking her thighs as he asked. “Can you guess what I’m doing now?” She replied – “Yup! I think you are checking for abrasion or unwanted celluloid.” “Yeah! You are 100% correct.” Replied the doctor. Then he started fingering with her clitoris and started inserting his fingers lightly in her….. 
[You know what I mean......] [& IF YOU ARE A GIRL PLEASE .... DON'T FEEL IT ---- ]IT MIGHT CAUSE AN ACUTE SEXUAL DRIPPING PROBLEM] [& if it happens - THEN - not my fault OKAY?]
….. and asked her. “Can you guess what I’m doing now?” …….. “Yup! I think you are checking whether I’m having any yellow or abnormal discharge RIGHT?” Doctor thought that the girl was dumb and replied “Wow! That’s a perfect answer.” Then he unzipped his pants and started having sexual intercourse with this blondie and then asked her - “Now! At least now. Can you guess what I’m doing?” The girl replied “YEAH! This time 100% I know what you are doing”. Doctor was astonished and asked “Can you tell me what is it that I’m doing?”
The girl replied “YOU ARE TRYING TO GET GONORRHOEA FROM ME. ACTUALLY FOR WHICH I CAME TO YOU TO GET TREATED FOR.”
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Monday, December 3, 2012

IT’S STORY TIME……………....


Once upon a time………. There was a pond, deep in the heart of a jungle and it was a beautiful season and a beautiful dragonfly was flying over it and enjoying its life. There was a nice handsome fully grown male fish in the pond and he was thinking, “If the dragonfly drops 4 inches down, he can jump out and enjoy eating it.”

……. {[the scene freezes………..]} …….. & NOW…….. {The Story starts]}…..

There was a macho bear too besides the pond, and he was thinking that “If the dragonfly drops 4 inches then the fish will jump out of water to eat it and I can jump and catch the fish and enjoy eating it.”

There was a seasoned hunter hiding behind a tree, and he was thinking that “If the dragonfly drops 4 inches, then the fish will jump out of water to catch it, as the fish jumps out of water the macho bear will jump out of the woods to catch it and I can shoot the bear dead.”

There was a mouse watching the whole thing from a burrow and he was thinking that “If the dragonfly drops 4 inches, then the fish will jump out of water to catch it, as the fish jumps out of water the macho bear will jump out of the woods to catch it and the hunter will shoot the bear dead and with the recoil of his gun the cheese sandwich from the hunter’s pocket will fall out and I can enjoy myself with it.”

There was a wild cat who was observing the whole scene carefully and she was thinking that “If the dragonfly drops 4 inches, then the fish will jump out of water to catch it, as the fish jumps out of water, the macho bear will jump out of the woods to catch it, as the bear comes out the hunter will shoot the bear dead and with the recoil of his gun the cheese sandwich from his pocket will fall out and the mouse will come out of his burrow to eat it and I can catch the mouse and have a good time for myself.”

……………… AND FINNALY IT HAPPENS …………………  {[The scene is unfreezes…]} 

THE SCENE COMES LIVE......................... [NOW LISTEN / READ CAREFULLY]..

The dragonfly drops 4 inches. The fish jumps out of water to catch the dragonfly. As the fish comes out of water, the macho bear makes his way out of wood. As the bear comes out of the wood the hunter aims and shoots. As the hunter fires the gun, with the recoil of his gun the cheese sandwich jumps out of his pocket and falls on the ground. As the cheese sandwich falls out on the ground the mouse makes a move and comes out of the burrow to get it. As the mouse comes out of the burrow to get the sandwich the cat jumps from the hiding place to grab the mouse. ………… BUT ……….. Oh! Oh! The cat misses and falls in the pond.

SO????? WHAT THE HECK……..  WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY?????????????

Ha Ha Ha!!!!! VERY VERY SIMPLE.

IT TAKES A LOT OF FOREPLAY TO GET A PUSSY WET.
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