Saturday, June 18, 2011

Lawyers in demand...............................


God called Satan and told him that he has decided to take Satan to the court of law
and settle their differences once and for all.

Satan laughed out loud and asked "And where do you think you gonna get the lawyer from?
They are all with me in Hell"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

What an answer..........................


A doctor, an Accountant and a Lawyer were asked

"How much is 3 + 3?"

The Doctor replied: "Six!"

The accountant says: "I think it's 6 BUT Let me check the calculator one more time."

The lawyer lits a cigarette & asked  "How much do you want it to be?"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Calling names..............................


An executive was called to the office by his Manager for calling names to him.

Manager: "Is it true that you called me a liar?"

executive: "Yes, I did."

Manager: "Did you call me stupid?"

Executive: "Yes I did."

Manager: "And did you call me an opinionated, shit-headed self centered son of a lesbian?"

Executive: "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it for next time?"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Best Businessman of all times.............................


Christopher Columbus was the best BUSINESSMAN Of all times in the history.

He left not knowing where he was going,

Upon arriving, He was not knowing where he was.

He returned not knowing where he had been,

And did it all on money which was not his.
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Medical Profession ? ....................


Two guys are talking while sitting on a bench in a restaurant.

"All of my ancestors strongly supported the medical profession." said the first.

"Doctors?" Inquired the second.

"Well! No. They all were Undertakers and lawyers."
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Idiot...............................


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one New student stood up.

"Now there, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher.

"Well, actually I don't, but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Was the reply.
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Proof ? ...............................


Teacher: "How can you prove the earth is round?"

Boy: "I can't. Besides, I never claimed it was Round. 
         Go ask the person who said it was"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Can I help you?..........................


This hot chick walks up to the bartender and says in a sexy seductive voice,
"May I please speak to your manager?"

Bartender says, "Not right now, can I help you?"
She replies,  "I don't know if you’re the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."

Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm cock sure I can handle your problem lady."

She then looks at him with a seductive smile, and leans out and starts running her finger
& wiping them on his beard in a sexy rhythm then Runs them all over his face then puts
two of her fingers in his mouth............He loves the act and romantically starts
sucking them, thinking deep within that he is through!

She then whispers in his ears, "Can you tell the manager something for me?"

"Oh Sure! Love" Says the bartender feeling on top of the world.

"Tell him that there's no toilet paper in the ladies toilet"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Shitty Business..................................


A bear and a rabbit were having a shit in the Jungle together.

The bear asked the rabbit "Don't you hate it when shit gets stuck to your fur?"

the rabbit replied "Well! No, not really."

“Wow! Great!” said the bear and he picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with it.
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

STOP THAT!...............................


A very attractive young GIRL was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date.
She wanted to make sure everything was perfect & at her best.

So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror & lipstick from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks around.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red-faced, knowing that everyone in the
restaurant heard her NATURAL MUSICAL DRAMATIC SOUND, she turns
to the waiter and demands "Stop that!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says

"Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Sherlock Holmes..........................


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall
asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?

Watson ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that
Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?”

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.

“Watson, you FUCKING  idiot, It means...........someone has stolen our tent.”
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Brazillion????.........................


Home minister is giving the president his daily briefing. He Concludes by saying:

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
The staff is stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching.
The President sits, head in hands, Nervous. Then finally he looks up at the home minister
and asks.......... .....................

I know Million, I know billion, I know Trillion BUT how much is the FUCKIN' 
BRAZILLION?????????!!!!!!!!!!'
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Prayers and hookers...........................


A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two
female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest asks.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?!"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.

"You know, I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Joseph
and Jordon. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots
are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.
"Thank you Father," the woman said, "this I think is the BEST solution."
The very next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he took her
in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and
praying. Impressed by the site, she walked over and placed her female parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out together looking at both male parrots:
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,

"Put the beads away, Joseph, our prayers have been answered!"
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Heaven OR Hell...........................


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

16............................

He always wants a girl of 16 to marry him or to have sex.

If he doesn't get one HE GOES MAD

BUT

ADJUSTS

WITH

2 GIRLS OF 8 YEARS.
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Girls & Boyz...........................


An English teacher wrote the words,

“Woman without her man is nothing”

on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate it so that it made sense.

The boys wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The girls wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

The talks with neighbors......................



I walked into a public toilet where I found two toilets, of which one was already
occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my pants & undies and sat
down to be free of tension.
A voice came from the toilet next to me: "Hello dear, how are you doing?"
I thought it a bit strange, but not wanting to be an asshole I replied "Yeah!,So far so good thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what's up?"
Unsure what to say, I replied "Huh Huh! just having a quick poochoo. How about you?"
I then heard the voice for the last time "Sorry buddy, I'll call you back. I've got some fuckin
 bastard in the toilet next to me who is answering everything I am askin you."
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks

Friday, June 17, 2011

Driving Nuts...................


This guy walks into a fraternity room with a steering wheel in his trousers. A friend asks,
"Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The guy replies "I don't know, but it’s
driving me nuts".
  • Share this
  • Sumbit to Digg
  • Sumbit to StumbleUpon
  • Sumbit to Delicious
  • Sumbit to Technorati
  • Sumbit to Reddit
  • Sumbit to Mixx
  • Sumbit to Twitter
  • Sumbit to Furl
  • Sumbit to Design Float
  • Sumbit to Blinklist
  • Sumbit to Yahoo Buzz
  • Sumbit to Google  Bookmarks